Immersed in the Comfort of my Emotions

Here I am, unsure of what to write or what to do. All I know is I had an urge for a public deciphering of my emotions and here is the place I was led. I try and be a little more than the average human being, strong and unafraid. I try and be the positive light that when people see me they can't help but be uplifted and to feel I have made a positive impact on somebody's day. I try to not complain and I try to balance my listening with my talking (perhaps one of the hardest things) and to truly get to know individuals so they feel they can come to me if they need some comfort or a little extra smile to get them through the day, or the week, or the moment however long that happens to be. I used to wake up every morning excited about the day to come, knowing there are always new things to be had. When I had spare time I used to think about all of the things that can do, start a non-for profit organization, visit the websites of other organizations, expand my knowledge of the world, or simply read a book for leisure. Well, as the title of this blog suggests, sometimes we can't help but be completely surrounded by our emotions and everything else falls to the side.

Maybe I love to know that I am flawed. Maybe I thrive on the downs so that when they are over I can feel even more revitalized, sort of like "OK, I've gotten out all of those negative emotions so that now I can focus on the good without any distractions". I'm still trying to figure out what makes me happy. Seems like such a simple question, but I find it the most difficult question to answer. What do I want? That one is a little more difficult, though somewhat the same. Someone told me once "it's not that hard! If you like something you're doing, keep doing it. If you don't, try something else." Well, sometimes there are multiple things going on and the messy web of things cause confusion over which it is that is making us happy and which it is that is making us unhappy. Guess the best way to separate each strand of the web is by eliminating things and looking at each one as distinct entities. For example, I am in school and I have figured out that this is something that I enjoy. I enjoy socializing with my classmates and learning new things. Maybe I don't enjoy the confusing assignments or the days when I don't feel like doing school and would rather be outside enjoying the spring sunshine. But, overall school is one thing I realize makes me happy. Nursing school in particular. I love being in the hospital and keeping busy and expanding my critical thinking skills. I also enjoy food. All kinds of food. Sometimes though I feel guilty for enjoying the food that isn't so healthy and want to exercise and be healthy but I just can't find the motivation. Once I'm in the moment I am happy and thinking about exercising seems like a good idea, but sometimes I get up in the morning wondering if I should bring my gym stuff and say "no, I'd rather not".

The answer is always that which is most simple. We hear this over and over again and in my life it has seemed to follow true most of the time  Maybe it's OK to be immersed in my emotions and ignore the good of the world for a little while. Maybe it's selfish. Maybe it will make me a good person in the end. Notice I added the word "comfort" to this title. I do find it comfortable to have all of my emotions displayed like a hand of poker. I am flawed, like everybody else. But recognizing these flaws I think is better than pretending they don't exist. So where does that make me stand? The answer is always that which is most simple. Often it is the first thing that comes to our mind when we try to solve a problem. I should have learned by now to not ignore my intuition.